Lily is born!!!

Hello. Live from the bedside with Devinder. The midwives, Deborah and Emma, are taking the baby's temperature while Marussia is working with Lily''s nipple latching. VERY exciting I tell you! The baby's head popped outta Marussia and into the bathwater around 4am or so. Wow!! Pretty darn fanatastic! A few more pushes later and out she came. Just a few moments of worry 'cause she was real quiet when she surfaced. Emma was there with the suction thingy in case there was any of the evil poo-bile but then Lily sucked in some air and cried. There was much rejoicing. Clamped the cord, I cut the cord and then baby and Marussia were out of the bath. Emma and I got Marussia comfortable on the bed for the delivery of the placenta while Deborah did a quick baby one-over. Moments later the baby was back in Marussia's arms, me watching her eyes opening and closing, hands in her mouth, listening to her quiet warbles. The placenta was a strange delivery, no pain, just no contractions to push it along. The sack came out, bagged and tagged into the freezer, cord blood extracted 'cause of her crazy blood type and with that- delivery complete!

There will be more tales to come.

cheers, Devinder

For the birth story, pictures and the day to day adventures of raising Lily, please go click HERE!

39 Weeks

I don't really know what to write actually, which is why I haven't updated all day. Things are all over the map. One minute I am on the floor in child's pose breathing thru a super strong contraction and the next minute I feel totally fine and dandy. Soooo, I don't really know what to say. My contractions go from 6 or 8 minutes apart and then they go back to 15 minutes apart and then back down to 10 minutes etc... My lower back aches like there's no tomorrow, and then it stops again and all is well with the world. My midwife says we are in early labour and sometimes it just lasts a little longer for some women. So I guess we're waiting and it's not as much fun as the waiting was before I started to have such strong signs. Now we are impatient and I just want to get it over and done with. I have had a taste of what it's going to be like and I could almost see a clear path to victory and I really feel like I can do this. I feel strong again and excited and oh so ready. But the waiting, it's an emotional rollercoaster and you just don't know when the ride will end...

Morning Update

We're still here, but I feel like we're really close now! I woke up at 4 am to the strongest contractions yet, complete with a lower back ache and finally some pain! Yippee I thought, those are some damn good signs! I breathed nicely thru them for about 2 hours when I guess I got tired of timing them and fell back to sleep. I don't remember them being much closer than 6 or 7 minutes apart. Now that I am awake again I am still having contractions, but they are no longer as painful and my back ache has disappeared completely. I still have bloody show, more so than yesterday and a brighter red so we're moving up my cervix and maybe I'll actually see some amniotic fluid soon. We put a shower curtain under our sheets last night to protect our futon in case my water did break. If you are ever looking for an inexpensive way to make your bed extremely thermal, use a shower curtain, cause man, we were both boiling hot last night!

So is this the day little one? Cause now that we've gone this far, we are sooo ready to meet you...

Who Needs Labour Anyway?

What a fantastic day, labour or no labour, I couldn't have asked for a better day! I am still having contractions like a mad woman, and although I am feeling intense downward pressure when they happen, there is no pain yet, so it may still be a while before I am "officially" in labour. I have been wearing a pad all day as I have a lot of bloody show. I am not sure I fully basked in the glory that is not having your period for 9 months, but it's a small price to pay if it means we get to meet our baby tonight. We went for a very long walk on the beach with my sister and my dad and all the dogs. The sun was shining bright and warm and everything just felt so right. I still feel extremely excited and I want to believe that this is "it", but I am hesitant at the same time. So I am just enjoying this time, these feelings and this beautiful day!

We are off to dinner for Devinder's mom's birthday and then we have a quiet evening planned. I will post tomorrow morning and if I don't, then I guess you can expect a birth story next!!

Well...

It snowed last night and I have been having contractions about 6 or 7 minutes apart since 7am. I also had bloody show in the shower. So we are going for a walk with the dogs on the beach to try to keep em' coming. I have this incredible feeling of excitement welling up from deep inside of me, but I also feel very sceptical that this could really be it. So we'll see and we'll post more later when we know more. Have a great day...

Still Here...

Yep it's true, we're still pregnant!! I can't believe I went on bedrest at 35 weeks to stop having conractions and now I hardly seem to be getting any! The baby has moved WAAAAY down south and I now feel movement in places I never did before. And I can't put my own socks on by myself anymore cause it causes me to have sharp shooting pains in my nether regions when I bend in half like that. Devinder really likes putting them on, in fact he said "I can't believe you haven't asked before!" Who knew, this whole time he's been hankering to put my socks on for me! We are still enjoying our time together, still enjoying the waiting, but every day we think this must be THE day! I am thinking more and more about evening primrose oil and other natural forms of stimulating contractions. But, I haven't tried anything yet cause I still have to do my taxes and get caught up with the second season of Lost and it would be great to go swimming and take yoga with my sister this weekend and and and...so I'm predicting I'll be at least 41 weeks before this baby arrives, maybe 42 weeks and have to induced!! A word of praise for bedrest, it really does work!

Waiting...

A lot of people have asked me what it's like waiting for this baby to be born. I have to say, it's pretty funny. We are constantly looking for signs of labour, so much so that I feel like we may be making up signs at times. Like everytime I go pee I think to myself "Is that just pee, or did my water break?" Then there's the nesting urge which is a common sign that labour is about to begin. So I find myself constantly questioning whether I am nesting more or less everyday, cause we are still moving in and unpacking so really, every day is a nesting day. But maybe today I nested more than usual?? And they also say that your baby will stop moving just before labour begins. Well yesturday I was rather alarmed cause I just didn't feel my baby all that much. But then just as a lay down in bed it started moving same as usual, but maybe it was moving less than normal? See what I mean, it's very funny! And then there is still the thought that we actually control when this baby arrives. For the most part we would love for our baby to already be here, but then we joke that if it stays in a little longer we'll get to do a bit more to the house, and Devinder can get a few more bike rides in and maybe we could have a few more dates and watch a few more episodes of Battlestar Galactica. So I have not been drinking raspberry leaf tea, even though I have some and it calls to me from the cupboard "Marussia, you know you want me, come on, surely just one cup won't bring on labour..." But maybe it would. We don't have sex either, cause apparantly there is a hormone in sperm which can soften and ripen that cervix of mine and bring on labour. It does seem a little strange to do it now anyways with that head so damn low, even though I kind of like the thought that the same way the baby got in there could be just the ticket to getting out. So the waiting is funny, it makes me laugh and for now it's not too crazy, but I could see it starting to drive me mad. I feel like we are in limbo, like I've stopped being pregnant and am literally just waiting, waiting, waiting...

38 Weeks

Wow, we made it to 38 weeks!! My midwife was quite shocked to see me walk into the clinic for my appointment today. She too is expecting me to have this baby any day now and can hardly believe we've held out this long. I'm measuring 33.5 inches and still have a total weight gain of 18lbs, same as last week, but at least I haven't lost anything. She is very positive and believes that we will have a very healthy baby. I am starting to have contractions lying down now, so not just as a result of me getting up and moving about. Oh and the baby has dropped even more and is now sitting at -1 in the pelvis station chart, so one away from being fully engaged and ready to go. So really, when are you coming little one?

37 Week Ultrasound

So we got our ultrasound results back and here's what they revealed: WE HAVE A SMALL BABY!! Really?!!?! You don't say...

We are in the 10th percentile for size, which means that 90% of babies delivered at 37 weeks will be bigger than our baby. So the longer it stays put, the bigger it will grow, but we probably aren't going to have a baby much larger than 6 pounds. The good news is that the baby is fully developed, has excellent muscle and bone mass and will be perfectly fine if born tomorrow, just small is all. My amniotic fluid levels are on the low side, but still fine. If I do make it to 40 weeks, we will have to have another ultrasound to measure fluid levels just to make sure there is still enough in there for the baby. In the meantime I am to continue eating large amounts of high protein foods in an effort to try to gain a little more weight.

I just realised all the people with guesses in the baby pool are really kicking themselves now for guessing that we'd have a 9 pounder! Serves you right! Well, maybe now that we have a bit more information, if anyone wants to leave a comment with a guess for the baby pool (no money needed) that might be a fun game to play while we wait! Include sex, weight and date and I'll organize it and post it up...

Me and my baby...

Devinder and his baby...

And our finished living room floor, our other baby...

Hello Loyal Fans!

We got the call tonight, you know the one you've all been thinking of making, the "you haven't posted in 4 days so does that mean you've had your baby?" call. I am so sorry we have neglected you, our loyal fans, and the answer is, no we have not had our baby yet - I am still very much pregnant! From now on I will try to update daily so you are not all sitting around thinking it's happened when it hasn't.

Life has actually been pretty good lately. I was so worried that we wouldn't get everything finished and have enough down time before the baby came, but things really do have a way of working themselves out. Not only is the flooring done, but the amount of stuff left to unpack is so minimal that I find myself not really caring if it's all taken care of before the big day. The downtime I so longed for has arrived and we are basking in it. We have been sleeping in, doing a couple hours of work on the house and then snuggling up and watching movies in the afternoon, going for long walks thru the woods with our dog and in the evenings we've been playing with family and friends. It's a pretty amazing time to be alive actually. We are on the brink of so much, so much unknown and the excitement is felt in every breath we take. All this waiting, so far, is the best built up surprise in the world. As excited as we are to meet our wee one, these last days are just so precious and we are enjoying every last drop of them. At the same time, knowing that we are allowed to go into labour now, has changed things dramatically. Every pain, twitch, tinge or noise I make is seen as a sign of labour. "Is this it?" my mind repeats over and over again. I mean we were just so damn close 2 weeks ago, is this baby really going to hang in there until I'm a full 40 weeks, or longer? I guess we'll just have to wait and see...

37 Weeks

We made it!! We are officially considered "Full Term" and can expect our baby anytime in the next 5 weeks! I am off bedrest and VERY happy to be so. I took my dog for a walk this morning and went into town for our midwife appointment, had lunch with Devinder and ran errands. I am exhausted and I had a million contractions doing all that moving around so I am maxing out my freedom of movement and free time just in case it happens sooner than later.

Our midwife appointment was great. I gained 4.5 pounds for a total pregnancy weight gain of 18 pounds, which is close enough to the 20 pounds they like you to have gained by now. I am happy, they are happy and tomorrow's ultrasound is feeling more and more like a formality than a neccessity and my guilt is lessening. I did have a nightmare last night that the ultrasound showed that I was having an alien baby - so subconciously I must be slightly afraid.

Speaking of fear, I am finding myself with scary thoughts realising that it really is too late to turn back, I really have to go thru with this whole labour thing. On the whole I am still more excited and curious about labour than scared, but I do have fear. I blame the bedrest actually as I think it made me a bit of a victim of pregnancy. I know I felt a lot more confident and strong before having to lay down for 2 weeks. The longer you get treated like a fragile object the more you start to believe that it must be true. I always took pride in my over confident, even smug look at labour, even with people constantly telling me how horrible it's all going to be, I really felt invinsible. Now I question wether I can REALLY do this. I mean I know I can do this, but will I be as strong as I'd like to be? I don't think I've really learned anything now that I think about it. Going on bedrest really made me realise that you can't plan a picture perfect birth and should really be open to any and all curve balls which may be thrown your way. But here I am still picturing the perfect way I'd like to birth this baby. It only makes sense that I would begin to doubt myself after putting that much pressure on myself to be a certain way during an event in life that you really get no rehearsal for. Am I councelling myself or what?

Anyways, at some point since we've bought this house and changed midwives to birth here instead of in Vancouver, I had a vision that it would be snowing on the day I went into labour. I didn't remember that I had this "vision" until today, when low and behold, it's snowing...

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We spent some time this morning adding both Atom and RSS feeds to our site and would appreciate any feedback on wether we did it right or not. The links are on the right under the profile container.

Last Day of bedrest - woo hoo!

Midwife Appointment

Day 10 of bedrest, only 2 more to go!!

We had our first midwife appointment at our house today which was pretty cool. She got to check out our bathtub we intend to use for our waterbirth and we got a very good idea of how things are going to go down on the day, whichever day that will be after Sunday at midnight. We have to go in for an ultrasound appointment on Tuesday because I have not gained any weight or inches in 4 weeks. She says it's mostly routine just to make absolutely sure everything is tickety-boo with the baby and with my levels of amniotic fluid. Because our baby is still VERY active and because most of the women in my family carry little basketballs and gain little weight, she is quite confident that everything is just fine, but it will be good to be absolutely sure before proceeding with the planned home birth. I am still having contractions everytime I move around, so it is quite possible that when I come off of bed rest this Sunday at midnight and start to move around a bit more, I may go into labour sooner than later. But really, it's very hard to predict these things and the baby is pretty much going to come when s/he damn well feels like it. Stubborn and defiant already...

Just to Clarify...

My good friend Jess called me last night to make sure I was doing okay. I told her I'm feeling just fine to which she seemed a little shocked. Then she told me that she had been thinking this whole time that I had been laying in bed having contractions and suffering intense amounts of pain. Being that all she really knows of being pregnant and labour is from films where women are screaming bloody murder, she just naturally assumed that every contraction must be extremly painful. Fair enough really and totally something I never really thought about. So just to clarify...

I am not in pain. I am uncomfortable at times being that I am laying around all day. My hips hurt and my back aches. When I have a contraction it feels a little intense but it doesn't hurt...yet! Yes contractions do eventually hurt, but for now the most amount of pain I feel is mild period like cramps. Now I have never really thought too hard about trying to explain what a contraction feels like, but I'll give it a try. You know when you look at something like blood or a really bad cut and you get this feeling that wells up from inside you and makes you sort of tingly and light headed. Well I feel like that first and then everything below my ribs and above my pelvis feels like it expands and then tightens into a hard lump. This usually lasts for about 1 minute and then either drops off suddenly or slowly releases. I often get the most amount of contractions when I move around and so when they happen I just need to stop everything and wait it out. Being on bedrest is suppossed to take pressure off my pelvis which is where the baby's head is resting right now. I often get sharp shooting pains thru my pelvis wall when the baby moves around too much, but the pain is really quite mild. Again I just need to stop what I'm doing and wait it out.

I hope that helps clear up any thoughts of me lying around for 10 days in excrutiating pain, cause that is absolutely not the case. In fact I feel pretty good, which is what makes lying around all day a bit frustrating. When you are sick you want nothing more than to lay around doing nothing, but I'm not sick, I'm just pregnant, and I still feel very capable of doing all the things that I watch my family doing all around me. And it's also very frustrating trying to not go into labour when I have spent my entire pregnancy learning how to do just that. But after Sunday at midnight, I can let my body do exactly what it wishes...
See, everything is just fine...

A Few Random Photos...UPDATED!

The baby's room so far thanks to the help of my family...
Our living room floor a quarter of the way done. It looks so beautiful I can hardly wait til it's complete!
Me n' Kona who keeps me company all day and is right now at my side as I post this.

We are holding strongish still. I am experiencing a few cramps here and there, some more strong than others and I am losing my mucus plug bit by bit, which is as pleasant as it sounds...mmmm mucus! I seem to have a lot of strong contractions whenever I move around so I am remaining quite still throughout the day. We have an afternoon midwife appointment tomorrow so we can see if I've dialted any more or if I'm holding out just fine. The flooring is really coming along and I am just so thankful to have a couch to laze about on all day, makes me feel more human, plus I get to be where the action is...

UPDATE:
Just got off the phone with our midwife and seems we will not be going to our appointment tomorrow after all as she doesn't want me to risk coming in for that. She says my signs of labour are still very strong sounding, which would be good if I was full term! So I am to continue to take it easy til Sunday at midnight when we will be 37 weeks and she will pay us a home visit this Friday to check my cervix.

36 Weeks!!

I am still here and baby is still safe and warm inside my belly. 36 Weeks was our first goal so now if I go into labour we can at least give birth at the local hospital with our midwife. Our next goal is to make it to 37 weeks when the baby is considered full term, then we can have the home birth we've been planning for all along. I wouldn't be surprised if we go past the due date and end up having to be induced, because wouldn't that just be ironic!

I really do think the universe was sending us a message to not go to Vancouver. I don't think it was specifically Vancouver that would have done it, but if we had gone I would have continued at the same pace and not taken the time out my body obviously needed. I was going along pretending I wasn't pregnant and doing everything everyone else was doing. I now realise that although it's good to be confident, it's also okay to just be pregnant and take it easy. It's very hard to just lay around all day when I see all the things that still need to get done, but now that I am forced to listen, I can hear that that's all my body actually wants to do. I have had a tremendous amount of help from family and of course Devinder. I think they are all learning that I am a bit stubborn and sometimes need to be told very sternly to just lay down. I am learning that it's okay to ask for help, people want to help and it doesn't mean that I am useless and demanding.

Interesting change that happened since the baby dropped, I almost completely rid of the horrible acid reflux now that the baby is not pushing up on my stomache so much.

8 Months!

Well I made it to 8 months!! 35 weeks and 4 days, hang in their baby!

Over the past 2 days I have recieved so many wonderful words of encouragement thru this blog and through family and friends. I have also recieved many stories of other women who have gone thru similar early labour signs and made it just fine to their due date, and stories of women who have delivered at 35 weeks or earlier and their babies were just fine only needing a few days in the hospital. I must say that when this first began I totally lost hope that this baby might actually hang in there, but today I find myself with a new sense of faith that no matter what happens, things will be just fine. My contractions are still regular and we are still on high alert, but I have this feeling that we may just make it another 10 days!! So thank you to you all!!

Devinder also wanted me to write about how luxurious my life really is now that I am on bedrest. I am so grateful to have him around for this as I know that not all women are as lucky. Last night at midnight I was very hungry. I usually chow down around then on a banana and a bowl of cereal. But we were out of cereal so Devinder happily leapt out of bed and made me eggs and toast!! This morning he brought me breakfst in the bath!! And right now I am eating my lunch in bed. I certainly do hope the baby stays in another 10 days cause this is the life!

Full on Bed Rest

I was laying on the bed today when I started to notice that I was having regular contractions. I grabbed my watch and started keeping track. Sure enough I was getting a minute long contraction every 5 minutes. I recorded them for about an hour before I called Devinder in to call the midwife and we were off to the clinic, hospital overnight bag in hand, just in case. After checking my cervix I am luckily still just 1cm dilated, but the baby has dropped even lower into my pelvis. I left some of my blood and urine at the lab which will help in ruling out anything such as a urinary track infection which can sometimes mask early labour. We have been sent home and I am no longer on modified bed rest but full on bed rest. I had dinner in bed tonight, how fancy! The only thing I am allowed to get up for is to pee and to have a bath as bathing can often slow labour down. Hopefully I can keep the baby in there another 11 days so we can still have a home birth. If we go into labour prior to me being 37 weeks we will have to deliver the baby in Nanaimo, 1 hour south of here as the hospital in town does not deliver premature babies.

So yes, we may get to meet our baby WAY sooner than planned. I am not excited about this. I would way rather the little bambino stayed in there a little longer. And it's slighty confusing trying not to go into labour when I have spent the better part of the last 8 months learning all about how to labour quickly and pain free and all that. I have been learning to listen to my body and now I have to try to not let it do what it really wants to do.

Modified Bed Rest

Well it seems I will not be returning to Vancouver to finish off one last week of work. It seems I am on my my maternity leave already. It's kind of funny how things panned out. I think the universe was talking to us and I am so glad we were listening. We were suppossed to head over to Vancouver last night but the Georgia Straight was being pounded with gail force winds causing the ferries to be rather delayed so we put off our plans til this morning. Yesturday evening I got the worst round of cramps yet, so bad I had to do some deep breathing to get thru them. Then just as I lay down to bed I experienced some more and then again this morning. So we called the midwife and she squeezed us in this mroning before our scheduled departure for Vancouver. After checking my cervix we learned that I am already 1cm dilated and the baby's head is very low in my pelvis. This would be good news if I was 37 weeks, but I am only 35 weeks and 2 days. Our midwife strongly reccommended that I do not go to Vancouver as planned, but instead remain here on modified bed rest. What does that mean exactly? It means I am to do nothing but lie around all day only getting up to pee and eat. I am not to stress or worry about the state of our unfinished house or the fact that I don't have everything ready for the baby or the birth. I am not to do any errands or even walk my own dog. I am to do NOTHING but sleep, eat, pee, read, bathe and watch movies. It's funny because that is exactly what I have been saying I want to do before the baby arrives, but somehow being told to do it doesn't make it as appealing. Not only that, Devinder won't be able to join me as he still has to finish the flooring and go over to Vancouver this weekend for one last day of work and to pick up the rest of our stuff. All I want is the very best for our wee little one, so mommy is taking a time out for 12 days until I am 37 weeks. After that time I can still have a home delivery and the baby will be fully developed and able to survive just fine outside my warm womb. Even if I had the baby today, it would survive, but it would be taken away from us and put in a little room and hooked up to tubes and fed all sorts of strange things.

I had a feeling I wasn't suppossed to go to Vancouver. In fact I had a vision of going into labour on the ferry, which is the last place I want to deliver my baby. I have also been feeling like this baby is coming early. I wonder if by not going to Vancouver if I will feel in a few days like everything will be just fine after all. I also got all emotional when our midwife was telling us all this. My brain kept going "holy shit, this is really happening, I am not going to pregnant forever after all, I really am going to be a mommy soon..."

35 Weeks

Holy crap where did the last week go?? I've hardly been feeling pregnant at all with all the chaos of moving and unpacking that's going on. I feel incredibly lucky actually cause from what I've come to understand, you are not suppossed to feel this good in your third trimester. It's strange how my constant back ache I was experiencing last month has mostly disappeared. I even sleep better now than I did a month ago. My only complaint really is that I have bad cramps throughout the day due to my little bambino hanging out in my pelvis, and I am short of breath even after only a few steps. I am shocked really and wondering if that feeling of being sick to death of being pregnant will even hit me at all. I feel like I must be in for a difficult labour or something to make up for feeling so damn good in my last weeks of pregnancy. Like when things are going so well in your life you automatically wonder if something horrible is on it's way to even the score. I feel so excited about our new life here in Cumberland, I couldn't even bring myslef to make a New Years resolution for improvement, what's to improve, things are great. So why do I feel like that feeling could be taken away at any moment...

We head back to Vancouver tomorrow for our last week of work before we are 100% officially living in Cumberland. Unbelievable...

I Dropped the Baby!!

I had my midwife appointment yesturday and not only learned that the baby has turned and is now facing down, but it also dropped and is half way down my pelvis already!! What a good baby I have and to think I was worried! The dropping of the baby explains my increase in period like cramps thru the day, apparantly that's normal as it's head is rubbbing against my pelvis. As for my size, I seemed to have lost a pound for a total weight gain of 14 pounds. I am also 3cm under in my measurements, which is still in the low-normal range. If I am 4cm under by our next visit they will send me for an ultrasound just to make sure everything is tickety boo. In the meantime I am to eat more and do less - ha!! I eat ALL DAY LONG!! As for doing less, I would love to, but I am in the middle of moving and renovations. Luckily today is our BIG move and some sense of normalcy should return very soon. Oh and I also was able to look at my own cervix during a pelvic exam. If any of you have one in the near future before you start dilating, make sure to grab a mirror and have a look. It's absolutely amazing to see your own cervix completely closed and so tiny and then to try to imagine a big a head coming thru. Even as I write it I just can't quite imagine how that's going to happen. It really puts it all into perspective.

Devinder just leaned over and said "Don't forget to tell them about watching the baby move. Oh and you can tell them I think it's really cool!" My moms and my sister think it's pretty cool too! All of a sudden we can really SEE the baby moving. I thought feeling the baby move was the cats ass, but now, I just love staring down at my belly and watching he/she roll from one side the other. I can't believe I only have 5 1/2 weeks left to enjoy this all. I feel like I am going to be so lonely without my friend in my belly. I am sooooo excited about meeting our baby, but at the same time I am starting to feel a bit anxious about the whole thing, which I am sure is perfectly normal. It's almost like I feel the most anxious about getting enough Devinder and me time in without doing renos before the arrival of our new family member. I just want to have at least a week of quiet mushy cuddling and movie watching time cause it will probably be our last for a long time...

34 Weeks - Please Allow 6 to 8 Weeks for Delivery...

I am feeling soooo much better after a fantastic Christmas with family. Things are still a little hectic putting in hardwood flooring and then our big move on Friday, but the list of things to do is drawing to a close. I really did feel bad for my baby; being so stressed and crazy cannot be a good thing for a baby in a belly. I was supposed to have a midwife appointment today but some lucky woman was having a baby. I am feeling better about not being that big after talking to my family and learning that all the women carried their babies the same way, so my baby should be just fine. I would have liked to have had my measurements taken just for peace of mind, but I might have to wait til next week. I really don't know how they can base every pregnant women's measurements off of one perfect measurement scale, I mean we are all just so different and it's got us small woment hinking we are too small and us big women thinking we are too big. I really think this must be the stage of pregnancy where you start to worry even more because I am starting to ignore the logical side of my brain and only listent to the constant "what if" side. I just am so close, all I want to do is to meet my baby.

Devinder and I did jump the gun a little on the whole parenting thing and we got a dog. His name is Kona and he is an 8 year old chocolate Lab. We got him thru a friend of a friend who just felt she didn't have time for him anymore and wanted him to go to a good family. We are head over heels in love after only a week! Having a dog has always been a part of this dream, the dream of living in a small town, because we just never wanted to have a dog in the city. So it really makes our move seem all that more real. Here is a picture of Devinder and Kona having a morning snuggle...

Explanation for Pregnancy Brain

I was reading a book on water birth last night and it explained the reason pregnant women often feel spaced out and forget things. I always knew it had to do with hormones, but was unsure why. A very simple explanation is that our brain is divded into 2 parts, the thinking part of the brain and the emotional part of the brain. It is the emotional part of the brain which releases hormones essential for your baby's development. The only way for your brain to release these hormones is to shut off the thinking part of the brain, thus we feel a little retarded from time to time.

This is also true during labour as your body needs to dump all sorts of hormones to help the uterus contract. I have heard of "Labour Land" the place that women retreat to in labour - this is because the thinking brain has taken a backseat for a while. It is extremly important during labour to feel relaxed and comfortable in your surroundings so you don't have to use the thinking part of your brain as it will release endorphins and adreniline which can block the hormones and cause labour to slow down. Once you are fully dilated your thinking brain will kick in, block your emotional brain from dumping hormones and release all those endorphins and adreniline so you will feel the urge to push. After the baby is born once again your thinking brain takes a backset and large amounts of the hormone Oxytocin are dumped causing you to fall madly in love with your little bambino and at the same time helps you to birth the placenta.

I love our bodies! It is just so cool that it just knows how to do all that!

Another cool thing my body can do - inspired by Corrine and Cathy, I gently squeezed my right nipple last night in the bath and low and behold, a little drop of milk came out!!!! Holy shit I really am going to feed my baby thru my own boobies!!! Oh I can feel the love hormones flowing freely now...

33 Weeks

Yes I am alive and doing much better! This whole pregnancy I have been saying that it's impossible for me to feel stressed because of all these wonderful hormones making me feel so calm all the time. Last week I realised that that is absolutely not true. As you all know we are in the process of moving over to our new home in Cumberland on Vancouver Island. And I'm sure you all also know that moving is VERY STRESSFUL!! Maybe even more so when you are pregnant because you are just so damn tired all the time how can you possibly pack up your enitre house in the evenings after working all day??? To top it off, Devinder has been working like a mad demon on our Volkswagon Van tyring to get it running so we can move it over with us. This has left me to do all the packing and cleaning by myself, and I did mention that I am VERY pregnant and SOOOO tired. I blame not Devinder, it's just the way it worked out, but it has caused me a fair amount of stress. It also doesn't help that it's Christmas and we are moving away from all our friends, so there are a lot of social functions that must happen as well. It's a lot of juggling and I'm not feeling so co-ordinated these days.

All that being said, today I hardly feel pregnant at all, I have energy and feel relatively calm. Last night we finished all the packing and the little details that are left are just that, very little so there really isn't much left to stress out about, not that I really needed to stress out last week either, but too late for that now. I started to train my replacement at work today and it looks like this Friday will be my second to last day, my last one being January 5 after a nice long break. I will just come back on the 5th and make sure she is settled and doing well and say one last goodbye to everyone before my year off!!

And just a shout out to you all for reading this blog. People mention to me all the time that they read along every week and I am just always amazed!! I also got a comment from Corrine over at Two Pink Lines checking in on me to make sure I was still doing okay cause she hadn't heard from me in a while. I am just so touched, thank you! I am also so amazed by everyone's generosity. Devinder and I haven't bought a damn thing for this baby yet because people have been so kind in giving us stuff - it's utterly amazing!! This weekend all our friends gave us the stroller we needed for the car seat that our other friends gave us!! Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!!! I hope you all know how much we appreciate everything, and everyone and yes I might be getting sappy but it is just so nice to feel so loved...

Acid Reflux Humour...

This is the funniest and most appropriate picture I stumbled upon today on Notes From a Former New Yorker. You know I can actually tell the difference between Tums and Rolaids...

32 Weeks

Wow only 8 weeks to go!

Feeling good overall with some complaints to follow.
Complaint #1 - Sleeping poorly. Peeing what seems like every hour at night and just can't seem to get comfortable.
Complaint #2 - Sciatica. Oh the nerve! From my lower back, down my right buttock and ending at the top of the back of my thigh. I have never had problems with my sciatic before, so I didn't really know what it was at first. Seems to be very mild and tolerable, but I am still aware of it.
Complaint #3 - Back Pain. I just feel full. From my neck down to my pelvis I feel stuffed and I think the stuffing is trying to get out. It's pushing on every muscle down my back from the inside leaving me with a dull ache by the end of the day. Without Devinder's nightly back rubs I don't know what I'd do.

Other than that I feel all right, a little tired from not sleeping well, but I still seem to have quite a bit of energy as long as I'm not exerting myself!

I had the craziest baby dream last night and I can't get it out of my head today. It was more like a baby anxiety dream following my midwife appointment on Friday. Our baby is still in the breech position which isn't yet a worry, but by my next appointment when I will be 34 weeks, we are going to have to start worrying about turning it. Last night I dreamt that I could see my baby thru my belly and I was asking him (it was a baby boy in my dream) to please turn for me. The baby replied saying he would be happy to as long as I promised to stop pushing his head all the time. Then the baby crawled up my throat and came out my mouth. I then grabbed the baby by his feet, held him upside down and swallowed him head first!!

I think I may be a little worried about delivering a breech baby. If I have one fear it's delivering in a hospital and worse than that, having to have a C-Section. I am so completely fascinated with what my body can do, that I want to see it all thru. I want to experience labour and I want to deliver my own baby, vaginally without anyone else telling me what to do. I want to listen to my body and let nature take over. I am not scared of pain, I am scared of losing control in a hospital and not having a say over what strange men do to my body. I have been trying some exercises I read about in my sister's mothering magazine to help turn the baby and I know I still have time so I don't really need to freak out yet, but it's a little hard not to when I look at the alternatives.

And last but not least, Happy Birthday to my hubby Devinder who is 33 today!

Me n' my Girls

Me 31 Weeks, Amanda 26 Weeks and Kelli 23 Weeks, just 3 of the many people I get to be pregnant with. I wish I could get a picture of all of us pregnant at the same time, but I think I may have to use photoshop to make that happen...

I had a crazy baby dream last night. I was trying to breastfeed my baby who I swear was my 1 1/2 year old cousin Caleb. Only I couldn't produce any milk and I was obviously very frustrated. In real life my sister Kyla told me that if you can't breastfeed for any reason you can substitute pure raw organic carrot juice for breast milk as it contains all the nutrients and protein mother's milk has. In my dream I was desparate to find carrot juice while carrying around Caleb who kept making sucky faces indicating that he really wanted to be fed...strange!

31 Weeks or 7 Months!!

Yep, I feel very pregnant now. Have thought once or twice that I am ready to not be pregnant and that I would like to have my body back now, but I am trying to stay positive, I mean there is still so much more ground to cover. If you were to ask me what one thing would make me suddenly feel this way, I couldn't tell you really. I just feel pregnant. I still love my belly, I love to rub the buddha and I love the baby kicking me all day. We have our little routines, like I know when I have my nightly bath that I will play tag with the bun as he/she rolls from one side to the other. I can always rely on the bun to kick me pretty hard just as I am falling asleep. And I'm not sure if it's the baby that wakes me up every morning, but when I do wake up the bun is moving around like crazy. Devinder loves it when I spoon him and he can feel the baby through his back. He gets mad at me if I don't tell him EVERY SINGLE TIME the baby is moving. I thought maybe he might get bored with it cause there are more hours in the day that baby is moving than not moving. But no, he really wants his had on my belly EVERY TIME THE BABY MOVES. I'm glad he's so excited but I'm a little concerned when he says the baby will make him even more kid like and immature!

In other news, my cousin Amy is pregnant with her first child!! Our family is just buzzing with excitment! All these babies so close together! What a wonderful time we're having, how dare I complain about being pregnant...

More Baby Feet

No this is not my belly and those are not my baby's feet. Avorie over at ReDinkyDink posted this picture and I just had to share it with you all. I had NO IDEA this was even possible and for the life of me, and I can't decide if it's beautiful or just plain scary...

Pregnancy Brain...

...or rather "Pregnancy No Brain" is a little known side effect of being pregnant. Or at least I think it's cause I'm pregnant. Jeremy at work said I should have warned him I would become so retarded later into my pregnancy (he is joking) so he could have been more prepared. Devinder says I often just stare off into space and it takes him a couple of tries to catch my attention. I also have absolutely no short term memory and never ever interupt me when I'm talking cause the chances of me getting back on the original topic are slim to none. The best example of pregnancy brain is one that a woman in my Prenatal Yoga class told me last night. She says it used to take her 20 minutes to walk to work, and now it takes her 40 minutes. She says she doesn't feel like she's walking slower, nor does it seem like the walk is longer, but it is and she absolutely cannot account for the extra 20 minutes! She says she leaves her house and then wham she's at work and hardly remembers the walk at all, it's like it never happened...

Graceful...

Heather at Our Life Voyage, posted a bit about gracefulness during pregnancy, wondering when she was going to be as graceful as all the etherial photos of pregnant women we are inundated with. I wrote back that I don't know if I have been graceful yet thru my pregnancy. Definately after 4 months of being quite sick, feeling better made me feel more alive and energneic. Now that I am growing rather large in the belly area, I feel beautiful and womanly, but I don't know about graceful. I make grunting noises without realising it everytime I bend over or stand up, I waddle when I walk and I am constantly burping and farting. And really, I think you just forget that image of gracefulness cause you are too busy in the moment just being very very pregnant. Last night Devinder and I tried to take some artsy farsty photos of my pregnant self and I have come to the conclusion that gracefulness when you are pregnant only happens in photos. You see, when I look at this photo I feel like I must be very graceful, but I know when we were taking it how I was really feeling, and it wasn't at all graceful...

30 Weeks

The bun is 3/4 done - only 10 weeks to go! The bun kicked me so hard this morning I let out a gasp and lost my breath for a second. Sandy at work said it's probably trying to find the door out cause it's getting awfully crowded in there. Here's an update on my 30 week pregnant self:

- I am feeling tired, like I could sleep for days if I was allowed to. I sleep fine thru the night still, with the excpetion of running to the bathroom every 2 hours or so. I have no problem getting back to sleep after my many trips to the loo.
- The peeing is unbelievable to me. I have always had a small bladder, but this is ridiculous. Luckily Devinder's Aunt and Uncle were kind enough to lend us their van for the next couple months so I can drive to work. I thought quitting biking would solve my uncomfortable commute to work, but taking transit is just as hard, if not harder because it takes longer, so that's more time away from the bathroom. And it's not like before I was pregnant and I had to pee, it's totally different, because it hurts to move around at all until you've relieve yourself.
- I experienced dizziness & wooziness for the first time over the weekend, but nothing unmanageable.
- I've had a few nose bleeds, which are apparantly very normal with all the extra blood pumping thru my fragile blood vessels. I seem to clot quite fast so that's a good sign.
- My upper back hurts at the end of the day, but I am trying to sit up straight to avoid too much pain. Last night it hurt so bad I felt like I was having a heart attack. Devinder gave me a massage and it helped out quite a bit.
- My acid reflux has only gotten worse and I have given up on using raw almonds and now take Tums throughout the day.
- I have Braxton Hicks contractions all day every day. They are not painful but sometimes cause me to stop what I'm doing until they are finished.
- I hunger.

All in all, I feel quite good. I am shocked at how fast the time has flown by and yet at the same time when I think back to the beginning of this pregnancy it seems soooo long ago. The countdown has begun...

Yep, things are good...

My girlfriends are so lovely, it's so sad sometimes to think that I am leaving them. On Thursday I walked into what was supposed to be a casual afternoon tea at my friend Lynnette's place. Instead I was greeted by a room full of my best friends, streamers and balloons above their heads in both pink and blue with slogans like "Welcome Baby" and "Happy Baby Shower." How very thoughtful and touching, I am still giddy just thinking about it 3 days later. It was great fun talking about babies non-stop and the baby carseat they all went in on is exactly what Devinder and I needed.

We had our midwife appointment on Friday and all is well. I have gained 15 pounds so far and seem to be measuring okay. Devinder's mom came to the appointment just as my mom came a few weeks back. She said it really helped put her mind at ease with the whole home birth thing and she was able to have a lot of questions answered. We really love our new midwives here in the Comox Valley. We didn't really know that we didn't really like our midwives in Vancouver until we met these ladies. In Vancouver all we had to compare our midwives to were doctors and we knew we liked them better than my silly doctor. When we came over for our very first midwife appointment after we bought our house here, it was obvious right away how much better the Comox Valley Midwives are. I had talked on the phone with them briefly to set up an appointment and they remembered our names and everything we had briefly discussed on the phone a few weeks prior to our appointment. The midwives in Vancouver never did learn our name. Every time we came in for an appointment we had to introduce ourselves all over again. Also the Comox Valley Midwives take more time during our appointments and have really made a big effort to get to know us really well. We even know quite a bit about them and it really makes all the difference. At our Friday appointment we went over our birth plan and I think Devinder and I have decided to have our baby in the bathtub instead of dragging in an inflatable pool. It just seems a lot simpler and tidier and more practical. As well, something we learned at the shower from Pat whose daughter Jenny had a home waterbirth, is that with an inflatable pool it's a lot more work. Jenny and her husband Yorg really wanted it to be just the two of them for their first water birth, but they ended up calling in her aunt at the last minute because Jenny wanted Yorg by her side throughout labour, not constantly refilling the water and checking the temperature etc... Devinder and I thought briefly about who that third person could be, but still in our minds we really just saw it being the two of us. I think the bathub will allow us to have a more calm and relaxing birth, just the two of us there to greet our new baby...

Here is a funny picture of my sister and I in a sauna on a float for the Santa Claus Parade here in Courtenay on Saturday. She works for a health centre and they sell Saunas and since we all know parades are really about advertising, they loaded up one of their saunas and paraded it and us around town. Two pregnant bathing beauties...

Baby Feet

Noooooooooo...

...I had to get up and eat in the middle of the night!! I woke up around 4am, didn't have to pee, but something else was calling me from the inside. I tried to ignore it and just fall back to sleep, but I couldn't. Suddenly my thoughts were filled with food. I had no choice, I had to eat at 4am!!! Luckily all it took was a banana to quiet the hunger, for now anyways. I have been craving steak and crab and baked potatoes with sour cream. I just can't see myself whipping up a feast in the middle of the night, or can I?

29 Weeks

I am always excited, I never stop being excited. It will be fun having a baby, I want to bounce it on our trampoline like a basketball. Do you think it'll be too early in Febuary to go sledding with the baby? Marussia has been shockingly typical throughout these past 29 weeks. It's too bad we can no longer bike around together because of these strange contractions she keeps having.

Loves Devinder (aka Daddy-O)

Slowin' Down

Well, I think I might be pregnant! I know I know, it's a real shocker, but you know what, I'm really thinking it might be true. I have been feeling sooooo good (only occasionally nauseous in the mornings) and full of energy and well, just plain lucky to be so active, that sometimes I forget that I'm pregnant. But I am definately slowing down. I was on my feet at work all day taking down an exhibition, and I am so frickin' exausted now, I feel like I just ran a marathon. My hips hurt, my back aches and I'm just really tired. I also think today might have been my last day cycling to work as well. I keep having contractions while biking, which are normal and don't hurt, but they are getting stronger and when I have them now I just need to stop what I'm doing and let them happen. It's a little hard to do that when you're biking up a big hill. It's also hard to bike when I have to pee, and it doesn't matter if I go pee just before I leave, about 5 minutes later I really have to go, and it hurts! Yesturday I didn't think I was going to be able to hold it in all the way home. I had almost convinced myself that it would be okay to just pee my pants, after all, I could always shower as soon as I got home. But I made it. And tomorrow, I think I'll take the bus...

Marussia - 28 Weeks, Kyla - 5 Weeks

My sister Kyla is pregnant again! Everything feels different this time, like this one is for real. Maybe it's because we couldn't possibly believe that she could miscarry twice, but our spidy senses tell us it's okay to believe this time.

How to break a pregnant mommy's heart...

Well we are over at our new house in Cumberland for the long weekend. We came over with the intention of painting the baby's room and I have been very excited about it all week. Unfortunately it doesn't look like we will be doing that til next year! You see, when Devinder and I bought our own house we realised quickly that it was an opportunity to have better control over what toxic substances we let into our home. For example, we quickly went out and bought a very expensive completely organic cotton futon with natural wool as the mandatory fire retardent after we learned that regular fire retardent in mattresses has been linked to crib death.

We also learned of a non toxic paint which does not off gas it's toxins into the air you breathe everyday. We went to the paint store to purchase our non toxic paint only to be informed by the owner of the paint store that the paint may be non-toxic but they still have not come up with a non-toxic pigment system. He informed us that the paint would probably finish off gasing in about a month, during that time I being pregnant shouldn't be in the house breathing in the fumes. After it is fully cured, the only way it would be toxic is if it chipped off and our child ingested it! We hummed and hawed and decided that if the reason we bought our own house was so we could have control of toxins, then why are we about to put more in? It broke my heart of course, being so geared up to paint it all up pretty, and now it's just a white room. But I think I may have found a solution...

hmmmmmm...

...I wonder how much they really want to know about me? Well let's just say I did one of these, and I feel better than I have for my entire pregnancy!

Linea Nigra

Well now I am sure I just got a huge hormone dump because all of a sudden I have a Linea Nigra (dark line) running from my belly button down to my pubic bone. It is caused by pregnancy hormones that increase production of the pigment melanin and usualy happens in the third trimester. I can't believe how bang on my internal clock is, I mean I just started my third trimester 2 days ago!

Hello 3rd Trimester...

...hello hormone dump! Yes it's official, 6 months today or 27 weeks and BAM I'm into the third and final trimester!! And of course, as scheduled, my body seems to have dumped a large amount of hormones which is what I believe is causing this weeks nausea. I also seem to be VERY emotional, my breasts have started hurting again and I am peeing every 1/2 hour!! I'm not kidding about the peeing, I went pee about 6 times last night!! It's a bit ridiculous I have to say. Anyways, I am hoping that the hormones will regulate and I will be left feeling a bit better. Already I feel better than a few days ago when I actually had to miss a day of work I felt so crappy. And just when I've figured out how much I have to eat, my body suddenly wants EVEN MORE FOOD!! This is also contributing to my nausea, so I can't let myself get hungry which means I am now eating a small amount of food every hour or so. Ahhh the joys of pregnancy! Only 3 more months to go...

What The F*@#*K!!!!

Day three feeling nauseous. I was trying to ignore it, hoping it was all in my head, but I feel like crapola again today and I also feel quite mad about it!! I heard about women who only get a break in the second trimester and spend their 1st and 3rd hurling their guts out. Well, right on time, I am in my 3rd trimester in 3 days!! I am totally freaking out with the possibility of spending the last three months of my pregnancy studying the inside of my toilet bowl!! Nooooooooooo!! I must remain positive. I probably just have the flu, or maybe I ate some bad food. Yes everything is fine, you'll see, by my next post everything will be fine...

Braxton Hicks

I had read about Braxton Hicks contractions, but I didn't fully understand them until our yoga instructor explained them to us last night. Throughout the day my whole entire belly will get really hard and feel very heavy. I never really worried about it because it never hurt and honsetly, I just thought it must be the baby moving to the lower part of my belly. Whenever you hear the word "contractions" you instantly think "labour." I never knew that you actually start having contractions at about 20 weeks and all the way til the end of your pregnancy. It's your body's way of toning and strengthening the uterin muscles you will eventually use to push the baby out. It's cool that I know what they are now so I will recognize them when I am in labour and there is no need to worry about them until they start hurting, which of course is a sign that you have started labour, so hopefully not for another 13 weeks or so for me!

Happy Halloween - 26 Weeks!!

3D Ultrasound

AMAZING!!!!!! Totally looks like Devinder and devinder's nephew Andrew!! We decided in the car on the way to our appointment not to find out the sex of the baby and as soon as the first image came on the screen, I realised I totally don't care anymore. I am so excited about meeting our baby, it really doesn't matter what sex it is! Devinder's argument for not wanting to find out was pretty good too. He said, unlike me, he doesn't feel that close to the baby, especially because it's not inside him moving around everyday. He said if we found out the sex and we named the baby before it's born he wouldn't feel right about it. He really wants to meet our baby before he assigns a name to it as you really only get to name your child once, he wants to make sure it's absolutely the right name. I owe Devinder that much, after all, I really am hogging all the fun...

25 Weeks

Our child is a revolutionary!! We were at a rally on Friday to support the teachers strike and little fety (I'm trying out a new name in an attempt to forget about wanting to know the sex of our child) was kicking me like mad!! Funnily enough, Jess came over the night before and gave us the Che Guerva onesie you see this very happy baby wearing.

We think we are getting a dog!! It's all we can talk of lately, we just can't seem to agree on a breed. We were thinking of getting a dog after the baby is born but then we thought maybe it's a good idea before cause now we have the time to train it so it will be a little more independant when the baby does come. We were just going to get a Golden Retriever because we both really like them, but then Duston suggested that we do a little research first to see if it's the breed for us. What I have learned is that there are certain breeds out there that are less allergenic, and Golden Retrievers are not one of them. The breed that I think most suits our personalities is the Labradoodle, which is a cross between a Labrador Retriever and a Standard Poodle. The result is a very mild mannered, loyal, and highly intellegent dog who is virtually hypo-allergenic and whose coat is actual hair not fur and easily manageable. Only one problem, Devinder thinks they are hideous. All he wants is a big ole furry dumb dog which admittedly is what I want too, I just think we should at least try to get a dog that he and possibly our child will be less allergic to. Obviously we have a bit more work to do before we actually become doggy parents.

We go for our 3D ultrasound on Thursday and we are both sooooo excited. We still haven't decided if we want to find out the sex of the baby or not. I still feel like I am so close yet so far away from my baby. I hate calling it "it." I feel like if we knew then we could call "it" by it's name instead of silly pet names like pumpkin and fety. As soon as you assign a name to something it really brings it to life. Instead, even though our baby is very much alive, we aren't going to call it by it's name until it sticks it's little head out. Doesn't seem quite right to me. But at the same time, it is still kinda fun guessing and then when he/she is born we can send out the classic "It's a Boy" or It's a Girl" cards which we couldn't really do if everyone already knew...

My Mommy

My mom had her surgery yesturday and everything went very well. There is no cancer - thank you, thank you, oh and did I say THANK YOU!!!

She is recovering in the same hospital where she gave birth to my 2 sisters. Only appropriate she should lose her ovaries there. She has instantly begun menopuase as it is the ovaries which produce the hormones neccessary to keep menopause at bay. She now will take hormone pills for the rest of her life. We still need to learn why her ovaries were the size they were, but knowing whatever caused it is not life threatening just makes it that much easier to wait for news. She should be home by the weekned.

I love you mommy...

Bad Mother?

Amanda last night at bookclub announced that she is having another boy as she just saw and then got confirmation from the sonographer, 2 little balls in her 18 week ultrasound. She said it makes this pregnancy so different from her last one where she didn't know Charlie was a boy until he was born. They already have a name (not that we will know til he's born) and can stop refering to him as "it." She also said that it made her realise how much it totally doesn't matter to her that she will have 2 boys now and no girl. It made me realise or maybe just finally admit, that I really want a girl.

I know that I have said that I only want 2 children, but if I had 2 boys I know I would probably want to try for a girl. I feel like I am a bad mother. But I do know that however many boys I do end up having, I will love them with all my heart. I think it's just that I am a girl and I know girl's since I've been one all my life. I also have a whole tickle trunk full of costumes and play clothes and my Nettie just gave me all the old dolls we 3 sisters used to play with when we came to visit. I also want to live in a house where I am not the only female so I can have an emotional equal and pass on all the wonderful things I have learned over the years about being a women.

All that being said, we may be having a girl for all we know. This whole time I've been feeling like we are having a boy, but then Devinder and I went over the last ultrasound and both remember getting a full on crotch shot with no balls to speak of. We may or may not find out next week when we do the 3D ultrasound and even though I know I want a girl at some point, I still don't know if I really want to know before we meet "it."

24 Weeks

Well I'm not as spry as I used to be that's for sure. I stayed up late dancing at my cousin Amy's wedding on the weekend, and the next day it felt like I had a hangover. My whole entire being was so tired especially my hips which I think are widening right now because my bones are aching. That weird skin pain I had mentioned previously, turned out to be nerve damage, like the baby or something inside is pinching a nerve and it hurts like hell! So far tiger balm, heat and not moving an inch seem to relieve it best. I luckily have found the cure for my acid indigestion - raw almonds, 5 or 6 before, after, during - whenever you want and it really really works! I also have to really watch my posture as everything is all squished up under my stomach and if I slouch for too long my stomach muscles contract and wont let go. As a result I often have muscle pain along my right side of my back just under the bra line.

Well, it sounds like I'm only experiencing pain and discomfort, so I'll just say right now that that is not true. I am really enjoying being pregnant. All those things are just minor irritants that I want to keep track of for future pregnancies. All in all, things are great. We are feeling the baby kick more and more and harder and harder. It still feels wonderful and doesn't hurt a bit yet. I feel very connected with the little pumpkin, my best friend who lights up my life with the slightest little movement or the hardest little kick. I feel incredibly lucky that things have gone so well so far and I am so looking forward to being a mom.

I had a cool experience dancing a slow dance with Devinder at the wedding. My belly was touching his and it felt like there were three of dancing together...

23 Weeks

An emotional Thanksgiving weekend centered around women's reproductive organs. The ability to make life is so precious and mysterious. My prenatal yoga instructor said the most interesting thing last night. Once you have created life, you are instantly preparing yourself for the death of that life, because that is the cycle of life. Death is inevitable and once you are alive, you are on the road to your death.

My sister Kyla found out she was pregnant last week. There was much rejoicing and excitement about the prospect of us 2 sisters being pregnant together and about our children being so close in age. It's hard not to get so excited even if in the back of your mind you know that at anytime that excitement can be taken away from you. That's exactly what Kyla said after she miscarried on Sunday, it's not so much the loss of a life, but the loss of this great joy that was in all our lives for such a short time. She created life and had to say goodbye to that life in such a short time it seems so unfair.

My mom went in for a totally unrelated ultrasound only to find out that her ovaries are incredibly enlarged. She goes into surgery next Wednesday to have them completely removed. A lot of life came from those ovaries, including mine and now they too must finish the cycle of life.

I, like most pregnant women, worry. It's easy to say yes I understand the cycle of life, but to accept it is another thing entirely. Our prenatal instructor also said we should prepare ourselves for loss, because it does happen, it has happened, to my sister just this weekend, and to many other women who have created life. I know that there is no point to worrying about that which I cannot control but I don't know how to prepare myself, does anyone ever know how to prepare themselves? Would it have been any easier for any women who has had a miscarriage if they had properly prepared themselves? My Nana had 2 miscarriages and after all these years she says you never forget...

5 Months!!!

Yikes that went fast, only 4 more months to go!!

Holy Acid Reflux Batman!! It's like I don't even get hunger pains anymore, or nausea when I'm hungry. Instead, as soon as I'm empty it's acid up the throat - YUCK!! Now I know what my mom goes thru everyday, and it aint fun. I think I still prefer it over nausea, but only slightly. Other than that I'm feeling good. Really tired and fairly emotional, in the needy kind of way. I think Devinder should be enjoying it though cause he gets a lot of hugs out of it!! We are feeling the baby kick more and more and it's the most amazing feeling in the world!! I used to only feel it when I layed down at night, but yesturday it was kicking me during a meeting at work. I have to admit when it started kicking I instantly tuned out of the meeting and was only paying attention to my belly. I must remember to thank the little critter one day for saving me from a very boring meeting!!

I have no idea if this irritation is at all related to being pregnant, but lately I have been so annoyed by people not listening and having to repeat myslef. It's happened with different people at different times and I am starting to think maybe I am droning on or speaking in a way that makes people want to tune me out. Maybe it happens all the time and I just seem to be uber sensitive to it right now, but damn I wish it would stop. It happened at Cafe Du Soliel the other day during breakfast. I was telling Devinder something or other and after I finished he asked me all these questions which he wouldn't have had to have asked if he was listening!! Well this girl who was sitting at a table across from us was listening and she burst out laughing saying the same thing happens with her husband! Devinder of course was thinking about sound gear while I was talking which he figured was a pretty good excuse for not listening...

22 weeks

Everything is good except for this weird skin pain, which I am sure must just be my skin stretching, but it feels strange and sometimes I worry about it. Anyone else experience this while pregnant? It feels like the skin is bruised or like all the hairs on my belly are being pulled continually. I also woke up Saturday with a pulled butt muscle. I have no idea if this is related to being pregnant or not, but it made shopping for maternity clothes very painful. Yes I now own a pair of maternity jeans with the elastic waist band, and damn, they are the most comfortable thing in the world!!

I have been marveling at all the old wives tales for determining your baby's sex. Below I have listed the wives tales and my answer for each:

1. Conceived as soon as the egg dropped - YES, therefore BOY
2. Carrying High - I have been told I am therefore - GIRL
3. Craving sweets or Salts - Sweets, therefore - GIRL
4. Morning sickness in first trimester - YES, therefore BOY
5. Ring on a string test, back and forth or circles - back and forth, therefore - BOY
6. Chinese Calendar - GIRL
7. Fetal heart rate above or below 140bpm - Above, therefore - GIRL
8. Husband puts on weight during pregnancy - No, therefore - BOY
9. One breast larger than the other - Left breast, therefore - BOY
10. My Aunt Brenda's reaction when she saw the ultrasound - GIRL

Add em up and we have a shemale - ha ha ha ha ha!!! I can see why people wait to find out the sex of their baby - this is just too much fun!!

21 Weeks

We just returned from a wonderful trip to Devinder's family's farm near Saskatoon for his cousin Angie's wedding. We had such a great time it was hard for us to leave. There were probably over 50 kids at the wedding ranging in age from 3 1/2 weeks to 14 years old. We were asked if all the kid's were overwhelming and if we were having any "what have we done" thoughts about our impending parentehood. Both Devinder and I looked at each other and said "If anything it makes us even more excited to become parents, in fact we wish our kid was here right now playing with all his/her cousins..." It was great to be around so many children. Great for taking notes. Great for the mothering hormones which are in full swing. There was even a birth that tool place at the farm while we there as you can see below.

I am HUGE by the way!! I feel like my belly just popped overnight. I was only away from work for 5 days and when I came back everyone was commenting on how big I got while I was away. I think it might be time for me to finally purchase a few maternity clothes, especially pants, all mine seem to be digging into my belly. I am feeling really great lately, but the need for sleep seems to have increased considerably. I function best if I have a nap during the day. I was told to enjoy my first pregnancy and take all the naps I need because the next time I'm pregnant I'll be chasing around baby number one and won't have time to pamper myself. The only thing I'm not so happy about is my diet. I wish I could get it back on track, but I seem to be craving sweets and eggo waffles.

I had my first prenatal yoga class last night and I LOVED IT!!! It felt soooooo good to stretch my belly and being in room full of pregnant women was so amazing.

Glenna did do the ring on a string thing to see if we are having a girl or a boy and the ring said "BOY" over and over again. So we are concentrating on finding boy names now, since all we have is a girl's name so far. If anyone has any suggestions let me know.

Oh and I almost forgot, the baby is kicking more and I can definately feel it now, and so can Devinder!!! It's the most amazing feeling in the world, our baby moving around inside my belly. Alison said Andrew kept her comapany on her long commute into work every day. Man do I ever love being pregnant now that I'm not sick anymore...

My Birthday, 20 Weeks, 4.5 Months - Half way there!! Oh and a house to call our own...

Where to start...well, it's my birthday today, my last one before I'm a momma. 28 years old, that seems like a good age to become a parent, not that it really matters, I mean it's a little late now to bring age into it. Devinder asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday and I said I don't really care as long as I get to eat Lava Cakes. Spoken like a true pregnant lady craving CHOCOLATE 24/7!! Amanda made a funny comment about how it's ironic that whenever it's her son Charlie's birthday she will always remember that that was the day when she went into labour. It's more than just his birthday, it marks the end of the 2 week waiting period in which she went into false labour many times, it's the day Amanda pushed with all her might, experienced pain so intense she screamed "give me the drugs", it's the day she experienced the burning ring of fire and felt like her insides were being ripped apart. Then she and Chris experienced the joys of becoming parents for the first time. She learned how to breast feed and experienced how painful a cracked nipple can be. And after that she began to understand the exhaustion that comes with being a new mother. It really does seem like it should be more than Charlie who gets showered with gifts and cake on his birthday. So this a REALLY BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my mother and father who experienced all of the above 28 years ago. Thank you so much, I have had a wonderful life thanks to you and all your hard work.

Another thing that I have been thinking about is the fact that I am actually 28 years and 9 months old today. I mean I feel like there is life inside of me. Our baby is already living, it's 4.5 months old. Yet when the baby pokes it's head out into the world suddenly it's like it only just started living right then and there. Really a baby's first birthday should be 3 months after the birth. I just wonder if it's always been calculated this way, or if maybe at one time babies were born 9 months old instead of 0.

I am also 20 weeks today, which also means that I am 4.5 months and half way thru. Only 4.5 months til labour and birth and parenthood!! It sounds far away, and yet very near at the same time. I am definitely without a doubt over my dreaded morning sickness!! Life has been good, really good and I am starting to really enjoy being pregnant finally. I am feeling the baby kick more and more. Nothing too painful yet, just really good to know he/she is doing fine. I am more tired than I was before and I seem to be experiencing that lesser known symptom called "pregnancy brain" where I forget things easily and just generally take longer than usual to "get" things.

And finally, I know most of you already know, but for those of you who do not, Devinder and I will be moving to the Comox Valley on Vancouver Island in January. We bought a large duplex with the help of his parents who will be living in the downstairs suite about 6 months out of the year. My parents, grandparents, sisters, aunt and cousins live in Courtenay and we will be living in a little town called Cumberland about 10 minutes away. As well, Devinder's cousins and their kid's live in Comox about 15 minutes from us. The Valley is absolutely gorgeous with lots of great swimming holes, hiking trails and parks as well it's right on the ocean, the same ocean we were married on. It's a huge lifestyle change that we have been talking about making for quite sometime now. Thanks to his parents we are able to proceed that much sooner and we couldn't be more excited for the sudden change. I will post a picture of the house very soon...

18 Week Ultrasound

I thought it would take a while to find the baby like when we went in to hear the heartbeat, but as soon as she touched the wand to my belly, WHAM, there was our baby. It was the most humbling experience. To actually see our baby inside my belly, there just aren't words enough to describe it. According to our technician, we have a VERY active baby, healthy, but active. But for all the kicking and punching we saw it do in there, I couldn't feel a damn thing, so it's a little hard to fully get that it really is inside my belly. We saw it yawn and suck it's thumb. It did provide us with a lovely crotch shot but we still couldn't tell if it's a girl or a boy. I have been so distracted today, all I keep seeing is my baby squirming around inside my belly. I felt this instantaneous love well up inside of me, but it's hard because the baby's as close as it could possibly get to me and yet I can't feel it. I can't pick it up and cuddle it all I can do stare at these grainy pictures. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind now that we are pregnant and I think I'll start growing now because I really get that it's not just gas that's making me look bigger, it's a baby growing inside my belly...

Is It Over?

Well it's day 9 now with no signs of nausea...is it safe to say I'm in the clear?? I was reading back over my previous posts and I realize that I made the mistake of saying I was in the clear back when I was 9 weeks, and then the post right after that I'm puking my gutts out again. So instead of saying this is it, I'm just going to celebrate these past 9 days, cause they really have been great, and if I get sick tomorrow, at least I can look back and remember that I had a break and it was fantastic. Memory, that's something else I wanted to write about. Now that I've been nausea-free for 9 days, it's like I almost forget what it was like 9 days ago. I even mentioned to Devinder that I think we should have our children closer together after all. Before, I wasn't so sure if I ever wanted to have another child. I've heard that the human body is incapable of remembering pain, which is why, even after the pain of childbirth, so many women do it all over again.

In other great news, Kelli and Trevor are pregnant!!! 9 weeks and holding strong! I am so excited to be pregnant with Kelli and Amanda. This means that our kids will only be a few weeks apart, which is so freakin' fantastic! Nicole and I were just reminicising at work yesturday about how many Aunts and Uncles we had growing up who weren't really our Aunts and Uncles, but our parents best friends. Our friends are already our family, but it's so great to add kid's to that relationship. It makes sense really, I mean you don't get to choose your family and often you don't get to live near them either, but you do get to chose your friends. Why wouldn't you want to have children with all the people you are closest with, who you've chosen as friends because they are so much like you.

I have motherly instinct!! I baby sat for my cousin Caleb last night. Well more to the point, he slept and I watched TV and read Miriam's baby books. But at one point he woke up and started to make noise. My heart began to beat a little faster at the excitement and terror of what was behind the bedroom door. But I just waited, and listened and realized that he was just making noise, not really crying, and he stopped and went back to sleep. I am always asking Miriam for books on how to raise babies and she is always telling me that she was mostly frustrated with the books she's read, because she knows that it's mostly mother's instinct. I think it's the best advice I've gotten so far, cause that's what I heard when Caleb was crying. I wasn't leafing thru my brain to that page in that book where they talk about what to do when a baby cries, I just listened and somehow knew that he was going to be fine.

17 Weeks

I am having the best lunch ever and consequently, the best day ever as a result. Why??? I am eating CHEESE!!! Mwaa Ha Ha ha...

Okay okay, so I know I am not supposed to eat cheese, but we were having this amazing conversation about cheese at Ruby's birthday on Saturday night, and well, in case you forgot, I'm pregnant and I have been CRAVING CHEESE LIKE A MAD WOMAN!! The conversation was about how when you go to countries south of the United States, people who are usually Lactose intolerant can miraculously eat cheese. WHY??? Well what we figured was that it must be because they don't mass produce it, which means you're not getting milk from sick, tired overly drugged and tortured cows and they don't pasturize the crap out of it like we do here. So Ifound some Organic Raw Milk cheese which claims to be 99% lactose free. On the label they talk about how good their cows are treated and that they only eat fresh grass. At this point, my taste buds are in control and I'm not all that concerned with whatever consequences I may suffer later tonight at the book club meeting. Oh and I got a GIGANTIC PICKLE from the deli and it's really hitting the spot. Hmmmm, I wonder what other pregnant stereotype I can fill today...

Oh and I am at day 5 without feeling the slightest bit nautious, I think I felt the baby kick yesturday and I am definately showing now. But enough of that, I have to eat...

Well that was easy...

I came in to work today and there was my supervisor who is supposed to be on vacation til September. Before I could say anything she came up to me and gave me a really big hug. She already knew!! She was so happy and gushy, it was fantastic. Of course! she IS a mother herself! So she passed on many stories about her pregnancy and all that and now, EVERYONE KNOWS!!! I'm free to be as pregnant as I want, yippee!!!

16 weeks

I spent the end of last week in bed with an ice pack on my hurting hurting head. My hunger increased 2 fold and it's like it took me a while to realize that I now need to eat EVEN MORE food, so I paid the price with a headache. Then I paid the price with the most violent round of puking yet, you know the kind where it comes out your nose! So when a bunch of our friends decided it would be great to go camping for the weekend, I wasn't so sure I wanted to spend the weekend at a beautiful lake, paralyzed by my headache and attracting bears with my vomit. Luckily I have fantastic friends and a great husband who packed all the gear and did all the shopping and let me make the decision to go or not on Saturday morning. I woke up virtually headache free and had the best time camping at Weaver Lake with some of my best friends. The weather was fantastic and we spent the day hiking and swimming and eating. I actually think camping is the best medicine for overly hungry pregnant women, because that's all you do is eat!

Yesterday Devinder and I went to town on our house clearing room for the truck load of baby stuff my dad is arriving with today. We're feeling a little overwhelmed with change and lack of space but uber excited to have a baby room with baby things in it. I dug out my baby blanket, baby curtains, old stuffed animals and a plate that was made by my mom when I was born. Devinder was reading last night that you can usually start to feel kicks between 16 and 20 weeks, so any time now for me. It is more common to feel them sooner with your second pregnancy than your first cause you remember what they feel like. My mom said at first they just feel like gas bubbles, which I have a lot of, so it's kind of hard to get excited and start thinking it's the baby kicking in case it's just gas!

I had a strange baby dream the other night (theyr'e all strange really). I was playing with our baby who had LOTS of black hair. I looked over at Devinder and asked him "so did we have a girl or a boy I can't remember?" He said "Girl" and I said "Oh yeah, right, Zoe..."

15 Weeks!

My stomache has finally started talking to my brain, and yesturday it said "escargot" and my brain said "sounds great!" and so that's what I had for first dinner last night. Then my stomache said "pasta" and my brain said "yummy" but when I bit into it my mouth said "yuck, no frickin' way!" So the communication chain is getting better, but it's not perfect yet.

Told a few more people at work today and they totally agreed with Jeremy that it is exactly the news the Roundhouse needs right now - yay!

Switched rooms last night so our house is starting to look more and more like how it will look when the baby comes, well except we're missing the baby furniture, but at least we have a spot to put it now. Started reading a novel called Midwives by Chris Bohjalian last night and it's absolutely hitting the spot. All I want to hear about, talk about, read about lately is vaginas and what's going to happen to mine during this whole process. I am worse than a teenaged boy!! I am fascinated with descriptions of other peoples labours and the vocabulary associated with birth. I may be one of the rare people who actually looks forward to the birth part. I am still admittedly a little scared and nervous, but the more I read about it the more my mind is at ease. I think that if I will know exactly what's happening to me when the time comes, I will be able to just relax a bit more and enjoy it a little. I know all you mother's out there are laughing at me right now but my imagination is probably not speaking to reality yet, and perhaps in time that communication chain will work properly too...

One person down...

So I told Jeremy, the Technical Director/boss of me at work today that I am indeed pregnant. He couldn't believe that I'd managed to keep it a secret for so long and although he was a little hurt that I didn't tell him sooner, he was very understanding of all my reasons why I hadn't. In fact once he got over the shock of it, he was downright excited for us. We ended up talking for about an hour and half about the near slip ups and morning sickness I had kept so well hidden. He suddenly understood why I really eat so much and why there is more food at my desk than office supplies. I felt/feel so relieved. It's this whole new door that has opened for Devinder and I. After work I ran into my friend Allen on the seawall. He asked me how I've been doing and I hesitated for a second, and then blabbed the news wihtout a"but don't tell anyone" at the end. I think I will try to wait til next week to tell the rest of the folks at my work as one of our staff will tomorrow burry her father who just died of lung cancer. Jeremy said my news is actually what our work needs right now as one other staff person was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Perhaps our little lemon (Claire's word for our wee one) can bring some much needed hope to the Roundhouse...

My favourite day...

Today I called in sick. True, in the last 3 months there were days when I was definately sicker than today and I never called in sick, but damn am I ever glad that I called in today. Today is my day to do whatever I want, and today I wanted to eat chocolate chip pancakes, so I did. I also started to organize all of my photos which have been is boxes since High School. I went out and bought a couple of photo albums and have been rumaging thru memories, listenting to loud music, eating whatever I want and drinking copious amounts of delicious rooibos tea. Could I have done that if I went to work today? I don't think so...
This is my belly at 14 weeks. I seem to be showing a bit already so I'm thinking it may be time to tell my work soon. I just finished the last of the paperwork yesturday, so now I just have to wait for it to go thru and then I will be officially offical and able to take maternity leave. Devinder and I were talking last night about how wonderful it will be to not have to keep secrets anymore...

Hello Second Trimester...

...hello mood swings!!! I have up until now been priding myself on how calm and stress free I've been feeling for the past 3 months. Aside from the morning sickness I hadn't been suffering from "Psycho Pregnant Lady Syndrome" (not an official term), unitl about 4 days ago. Du Dun Du Duuunnnnn!!! Please offer your love and support to Devinder whenever you see him. We never really fight, only ever have discussions when we disagree on things, but lately we've been snapping at each other, and I feel wholey responible. I snap at him and then I realise what I've said and then I appologize profusely. Can you say PSYCHO!!! Other wierd things have been happening in my head too, like I feel like I am auditioning Devinder for the role of the father of my baby. It sounds ridiculous, but I look at how Devinder takes care of himself, or rather I focus in on when he doesn't take care of himself and then I wonder if he'll be able to take care of our child alright. It's totally not fair to him and I know deep down that he is going to be an awsome father, but these are the things I think about and I find it very strange. Or maybe normal??

Some other things I've been experiencing are sharp shooting pains in my abdomen right above my pelvic bone. Our midwife explained this to be something called Round Ligament Pain, which is a very weird term til you actually read about it. Last night I barely slept because I had severe cramps, and it felt like I was going to get my period. Obviously I became paranoid and I spent most of the night going to the bathroom to make sure I wasn't bleeding. This I read is also associated with Round Ligament pain. I seem to be okay with the aches and pains of pregnancy once I can be assured they are perfectly normal and not a cause for concern.

What a wild ride this is, and a fast one too. I can't believe I only have 6 more months to go...