Baby Dream

Well I think I had my first baby anxiety dream last night! I had just given birth to a girl who was very well behaved, in fact a little too well behaved because I kept forgeting about her. She was so quiet and just slept all the time that when our friends came over, showing our brand new baby was almost an afterthought!! I was like "Oh yeah, I almost forgot, did you want to see our new baby?" Then after a series of random events I remember being in a kitchen with our baby and asking her what the hell I should feed her because I had absolutely no idea what to do!! How bizzarre!!!

Well, last week my evening sickness changed to morning sickness and I managed to lose my breakfast every morning. I think I have it under control now as long as I eat a heavy meal of oatmeal before bed and eat AS SOON AS I GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING!!! No peeing, no showering so smelling the roses and getting distracted, it's food before thought or else!!

I am over on the island right now for the long weekend having a great time hiking and swimming everyday. After our hike today we are off to get me a bigger bra. It seems my breasts keep insisting on growing despite their already wickedly humongous size!! My mom got me a whole bunch of baby clothes and when I stare at them I can hardly believe our own child will one day fill them...

Happy 1st birthday Caleb!!

A great weekend spent with family celebrating my cousin Caleb's 1st birthday, is really what I needed to get excited again. There were so many kid's and young parents and pregnant women, it was like a taste of what life will be like starting in just 6 months!! It was so great to see my dad with Caleb, smiling from ear to ear, taking extra time to walk him around the yard. I have such a wonderful gift inside my belly and this is what I must think of when I'm spewing my breakfast all over a sink full of dirty dishes. I do love being pregnant, although sometimes, I like the idea of it more than the reality. The end result, although I am not fooled that it will be easy, makes every bad day worth it...

Stupid Pelvic Bone!!

Well, we didn't hear our bay's heartbeat. We heard my hearbeat loud and clear, and Devinder's too, but alas, our little Dickens did not show. I guess the reason for waiting until after you're 12 weeks is that that is usually the time when the baby starts to float upwards and finally clears your pelvic bone. It's next to impossible to hear the heartbeat through your bones. So we made an appointment for 10 days from today, the day after Devinder gets back from New Jersey...

I feel okay about it though, the midwife was very reassuring. She said that my morning sickness and sore breasts are a huge indication that I am a healthy pregnant woman. We talked about water birth's and they are sooo happy to help us have a home water birth. They gave us the number of a woman who will rent us a water birth tank with a tempurature regulatorlarge enough to actually float in. You rent them for 5 weeks at a time, a few weeks before you're due so you can float around, get used to being in the tank and take the weight off your huge belly. Then you have it for a few weeks after birth so you can continue to swim with your child daily!!! I am just soooooo excited at the prospect of having a swimming pool in our dining room for 5 weeks!! And I just love that our midwive's are uber excited and so eager to help us have exactly the birth we want to have...

Anticipation!

I don't know if it's even worth posting this, but it might be interesting to look back at how I felt before. Tomorrow we have an appointment with the midwife and we get to hear the baby's heartbeat!! Do all woman feel this mix of excitement and terror before their first Dopplar appointment?? I am soooo excited to have proof that I have been growing our child inside my belly, but I am soooo nervous that we won't actually hear anything. Part of it is nerves that something may be wrong and part of it is nerves that I may have made this whole thing up and that I'm not really pregnant. Do all pregnant woman feel that way too? It's just still so freakin' unbelievable to me that we're pregnant, that I am growing a baby, that we are going to be parents!! From time to time you hear of those weird cases where woman want to be pregnant sooo bad that they actually take on the symptoms of pregnancy. And I mean, how do they even know that they've done that? And when they find out...

Okay okay, there are several reasons why we might not hear the heartbeat. We couldn't co-ordiante an appointment for next week that worked with both our schedules and the midwife's availability, so we are going in a few days before I am 12 weeks, which is usually when we would hear it. Well, I can't think of anymore positive reasons why we wouldn't hear it. So I'll just calm down, cause there's no point worrying about something that hasn't happened yet. We will hear our baby's tiny little heartbeat tomorrow, we will record it, we will use it as a rythm track in a song we'll write for our baby and we will fall asleep to it everynight. After tomorrow, things are going to get a lot more cheesy around here...

11 weeks

I feel totally rejuvenated after a night of wild partying at Graveley Manor. Of course I was probably one of the only one who didn't wake up with a hangover! Devinder and I realised that we haven't actually seen most of our friends since we found out we were pregnant, so for 2 1/2 months!!! Everyone last night was so excited for us and I felt like I was celebrating being pregnant all over again. Devinder and I talked about it, and because I haven't been able to tell my work or any of our theatre friends, the only time we really let it all hang out and feel totally excited, is when we are away from Vancouver, visiting my family in Courtenay. It was so awesome to talk openly about it last night, to share our wonderful news and to feel excited again...

Only one more week and I am finished my probationary period at work!!! I can't believe how fast the time has flown by.

10 weeks

After hugging the toilet bowl again this weekend, I went back to bed and dreamt I was at a huge concert to end Morning Sickness!!! Some days I feel so good I have to touch my breasts to make sure they're still sore, cause otherwise I can't even tell if I'm pregnant. I am learning how to eat all over again. On an empty stomache I must start with raw fruits and vegetables and then add the cooked carbs and I must NEVER go to bed on an empty stomache. At no time must I alter the order in which I intake food. I cannot eat raw food with cooked food, I must eat the raw food first and then the cooked food. I believe it's because my metabolism is so fast right now that the raw food wants to break down very very quickly, but it's not allowed to do that if I put it down the hole on top of cooked food which is slowly breaking down. Ahhh the science of my stomache! At least I feel better most of the time as long as I'm really paying attention. It's when I'm not looking that it sneaks up on me, taps me on the shoulder and whispers "to the toilet bowl with you ole preggers..."

...where women glow and then chunder...

Well I thought the worst of it was behind me...then last night I found myslef hugging the toilet bowl and expelling all the nutritous food I'd just eaten. Today at work was a bit nightmarish, feeling nautious again and trying to hide it. I start full time tomorrow, so I think I may just take er easy tonight and somehow try to not be sick tomorrow...

2 months or 9 weeks...

I don't know if it's because I am pregnant, but I keep seeing other pregnant women everywhere I go. It's a pregnancy epidemic and the world is going to be over run soon with tiny little babies!!!! I also keep thinking that I need to meet some of those women. It's the one thing that's kind of missing from my whole experience, I have no one to be pregnant with and it would be cool to share this with someone else. So I am definately going to join a pregnancy cult, like prenatal yoga or something of that nature...

Life is so much better now that the nausea is pretty much a thing of the past. I am over on the island right now visiting my family for the long weekend and it's great to be away, especially since I've sort of been couped up feeling sick for the past couple of weeks. I have pretty good energy as long as I'm eating regularly. And the weird thing is that I totally thought I had gained like 5 pounds or something, but according to my mom's scale, which is the only scale I ever use, I have actually lost 1 pound! I have been eating so much more food than I usually do and my body just feels so different that I guess I associated that feeling with gaining weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid to gain weight, in fact I'm excited, I just want to do it the right way and from everything I've read, it's not healthy to gain weight in the first trimester. But now, I'm not going to worry about it since it seems my body is using every scrap of food I eat. And on that note, I am off to make breakfast number 2...