37 Weeks
We made it!! We are officially considered "Full Term" and can expect our baby anytime in the next 5 weeks! I am off bedrest and VERY happy to be so. I took my dog for a walk this morning and went into town for our midwife appointment, had lunch with Devinder and ran errands. I am exhausted and I had a million contractions doing all that moving around so I am maxing out my freedom of movement and free time just in case it happens sooner than later.
Our midwife appointment was great. I gained 4.5 pounds for a total pregnancy weight gain of 18 pounds, which is close enough to the 20 pounds they like you to have gained by now. I am happy, they are happy and tomorrow's ultrasound is feeling more and more like a formality than a neccessity and my guilt is lessening. I did have a nightmare last night that the ultrasound showed that I was having an alien baby - so subconciously I must be slightly afraid.
Speaking of fear, I am finding myself with scary thoughts realising that it really is too late to turn back, I really have to go thru with this whole labour thing. On the whole I am still more excited and curious about labour than scared, but I do have fear. I blame the bedrest actually as I think it made me a bit of a victim of pregnancy. I know I felt a lot more confident and strong before having to lay down for 2 weeks. The longer you get treated like a fragile object the more you start to believe that it must be true. I always took pride in my over confident, even smug look at labour, even with people constantly telling me how horrible it's all going to be, I really felt invinsible. Now I question wether I can REALLY do this. I mean I know I can do this, but will I be as strong as I'd like to be? I don't think I've really learned anything now that I think about it. Going on bedrest really made me realise that you can't plan a picture perfect birth and should really be open to any and all curve balls which may be thrown your way. But here I am still picturing the perfect way I'd like to birth this baby. It only makes sense that I would begin to doubt myself after putting that much pressure on myself to be a certain way during an event in life that you really get no rehearsal for. Am I councelling myself or what?
Anyways, at some point since we've bought this house and changed midwives to birth here instead of in Vancouver, I had a vision that it would be snowing on the day I went into labour. I didn't remember that I had this "vision" until today, when low and behold, it's snowing...
Our midwife appointment was great. I gained 4.5 pounds for a total pregnancy weight gain of 18 pounds, which is close enough to the 20 pounds they like you to have gained by now. I am happy, they are happy and tomorrow's ultrasound is feeling more and more like a formality than a neccessity and my guilt is lessening. I did have a nightmare last night that the ultrasound showed that I was having an alien baby - so subconciously I must be slightly afraid.
Speaking of fear, I am finding myself with scary thoughts realising that it really is too late to turn back, I really have to go thru with this whole labour thing. On the whole I am still more excited and curious about labour than scared, but I do have fear. I blame the bedrest actually as I think it made me a bit of a victim of pregnancy. I know I felt a lot more confident and strong before having to lay down for 2 weeks. The longer you get treated like a fragile object the more you start to believe that it must be true. I always took pride in my over confident, even smug look at labour, even with people constantly telling me how horrible it's all going to be, I really felt invinsible. Now I question wether I can REALLY do this. I mean I know I can do this, but will I be as strong as I'd like to be? I don't think I've really learned anything now that I think about it. Going on bedrest really made me realise that you can't plan a picture perfect birth and should really be open to any and all curve balls which may be thrown your way. But here I am still picturing the perfect way I'd like to birth this baby. It only makes sense that I would begin to doubt myself after putting that much pressure on myself to be a certain way during an event in life that you really get no rehearsal for. Am I councelling myself or what?
Anyways, at some point since we've bought this house and changed midwives to birth here instead of in Vancouver, I had a vision that it would be snowing on the day I went into labour. I didn't remember that I had this "vision" until today, when low and behold, it's snowing...
posted by Reesh at 3:04 PM
10 Comments:
It's snowing up there?
Wouldn't it be interesting if you did have the baby on a day it was snowing?
You're not alone in thinking "can I do this"? Keep thinking happy thoughts, be flexible & our babies are comming, if we like it or not. Many women have done it before us & they are not any stronger than us either. I think you'll do just fine.
P.S.
Alien baby dreams are pretty funny. I remember a few of mine. Just hope for snow & not an alien...JK!
It is scary! And, we can do it.
I think the thing we have to remember is that even though we may have spent our lives learning and demonstrating how strong and powerful we are, we aren't invincible and we never actually were. Only now, it affects this tiny, helpless person who depends on us completely.
Just try to remember that there's a whole lot of space between "invincible" and "helpless." We're still strong and powerful, but for the moment, there are some physical tasks that we can't do, or at least not while being responsible to those tiny, helpless people.
Those limits aren't forever -- they're just for a few weeks or months. And while we can't do THOSE things, we do get to nurture and build a whole new human being and help it to survive out in the world. Which is pretty amazing.
Wow, I am totally feeling you! But something that helps me out a lot is thinking about how I'll feel when I finally meet our little baby. Even though it will be hard, we ARE strong, and everything we've gone through during pregnancy and labor will be more than worth it when we get to look into our baby's eyes for the first time!
Don't doubt yourself, just know that this is what your body is made to do! Best of luck to you, hubby, and baby :)
Yay 37 weeks!!! And no more bedrest. You and Baby made it!
I've been reading that book Birthing From Within, and it says how in order to do your best in labor, you have to open yourself to any and all potential outcomes. This is so much easier to say than do. I find (even with about 4.5 months to go) that I have this idealized image of how my labor will go. I think as soon-to-be mommies we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and don't want to accept the idea that things may not go as we wish. All we can do is our best, and that is the thing that is under our control.
Yay for no more bedrest! I can't even imagine how delighted you are. I have the craziest dreams about the baby too... I know they stem from my unconscious fears. I love your take on pregnancy & becoming a "victim" to it. It's difficult when your body (normally so predictable) "turns" on you in this way.
Congrats for making it to 37 weeks!! I know bedrest is a pain. You know, as far as labor goes, you don't have to be so strong- you just have to get through it. That is the accomplishment, plain and simple. I imagined a beautiful birth story in which I'd be push-push-pushing and ended up with the dreaded c-section. I wish it hadn't turned out that way, but trust me when I say that once you have your baby, it won't matter. Having said that, I do hope that your birthing is as close to what you would like as possible.
Also wanted to say that bedrest was a challenge for you, and I hope you can see be proud of the strength it took for you to adhere to it on behalf of your baby, rather than seeing it as a victimizing thing.
I really hope all goes as planned. It's great that you have an open mind and realize that things will happen however they happen. That way you can enjoy the experience no matter how it goes!
i loved the comment on my blog. wise words thank you. i have been thinking of you lots - you will be amazing. heres my only bit of advice :) believe in yourself and your capacity to do this. this baby was made inside of you perfectly. oh and keep the tones low.
can't wait to hear!
"The longer you get treated like a fragile object the more you start to believe that it must be true."
You are totally right!! Good observation!!!
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