Still waiting

I thought I wasn't pregnant the other day because my breasts started to hurt just like they always do about 10 days before my period and man was I ever PMS'ing. Then I went to a dinner party with the girl's and Amanda announced that she is 6 weeks pregnant. Not only did it up the stakes for us getting pregnant if I want to be pregnant with Amanda but talking about my symptoms with someone whose been their before, made me hopeful once again that I may be pregnant this time.

Just came back from breakfast with John and he asked where does my desire to have children come from? What a great question! I thought about it and told him that it feels like a primal instinct. It feels like it comes from way down deep inside myself, so much so that I can't stop it or shut it up. I want to have children with every fibre of my being. I want to have children because I want to share my love, I want to love and nuture and be loved in return. Just the very thought of Devinder and I becoming one being, 2 becoming 3, of us being a family, going through life together teaching each other and learning from one another. He asked if it's something I always knew that I wanted . I remember when Devinder and I first met, he almost didn't persue a relationship with me because I told him I never wanted to have kid's. He always knew it was something he wanted. I didn't. A couple of years ago that changed. We went to Devinder's cousins wedding and I got to meet Devinder's entire family and they all had kid's! Not only did I see how wonderful Devinder is with kid's, I also saw this huge family network of love and understanding and suddenly I was a part of it. Suddenly I wanted to cntinue the family, to bring our child into all this love...and now here we are...